I've Fallen and I Can't Get Back Up!

I don’t know if you have noticed that as you age sitting down on the floor is not the problem. The problems incurs when it is time to rise and move from that spot. The knees ache, the back gets sore; your bones creak like the floor of an old house. As I have aged slightly (I am still a young chick; in my mind at least) I have noticed that I tend to avoid the posture of sitting on the floor. Is it because I do not enjoy sitting on the floor? I rather do enjoy sitting around on the floor, just hanging out. It is when the getting up has gotten harder that I find myself sitting less.

In the bible we see Mary sitting at Jesus feet. Now there are truly more ramifications of that moment than I tend to tear into at this time, but I am captured by her position. In her day sitting at the feet of a teacher was akin to going to college. You were not chosen by your school you were chosen by your teacher. Did I mention she was a girl?? In the time that Mary was in the world women were not chosen to learn anything other than “women’s work”. It would have been earth-shattering in that day for a woman to be at the feet of any Rabbi or teacher.

Although I am captured by the thought of how progressive this was at the time again I go back to the whole sitting posture. There she is, sitting as Jesus’ feet; leaning on every word he spoke. As though time matter not, where her whole world stopped. It wasn’t like there was a ton to do that day in her house. Obviously if God is coming over for dinner you want to make a good impression. We all know about Martha in the kitchen seething as her sister is just sitting there.

Is Mary with so much work to be done wrong in her posture? Being a Martha in my own right I used to get a little ticked off at how Mary, just sitting there, was praised. Then it hit me! BAM! That was it, right there in my own phrasing… Mary was sitting. She wasn’t distracted, she wasn’t worried, she wasn’t anxious, she wasn’t planning, and she wasn’t caught up in her own world. What she was doing however was allowing Jesus to teach her, and in that posture she was worshiping.

In her own body posture she was “doing”; doing the work of the Lord by spending time with Jesus. I have found the longer I walk with Jesus the less I have gotten down on the floor so to speak, and spent time at his feet. There is always someone to take care of, a sermon to watch, people to reach, and don’t you know it is all up to me! Somewhere in my every day comings and goings I forgot my life is about sitting at Jesus feet. If everything I do is done out of the strength that I gain in those moments then why don’t I do it more often?

That is where I am at in my life. I found myself at the end of all hope that I can do it by myself. I need Jesus so much just to be a functional human being. I have to have days of rest, nights of sleep, and long moments sitting as His feet; listening to His instructions. I am not strong in myself, I am not together in myself, and I am not capable in myself. It is only by sitting at His feet that I am strong, together, and capable.

Do you know why getting up is harder as you age? Simply because you stop using the muscles you used to use in getting up. It is a vicious cycle… Sit down more and getting up will actually get easier. Just like spending time with Jesus more makes your whole life worth living. Blessings!

Whoever Speaks it, Stinks it

I live in a house all "dudes" except for our little dog Nyla. Being the only two legged female in the house I have come to realize that I have subtly become immune to things that previously grossed me out. When I was a young woman, raised by a single mom, in a female world I held certain ideals about life. For example everyone thinks in "feeling" words, and everyone is embarrassed by the body eliminating gas from it. The reality some 20 years later is in fact "dudes" do not think in feeling words and gas is something of a spontaneous eruption of laughter from the entire company. In our house we have a game, please Ladies hang with me for just a moment, that when one passes gas they do not confess to it. When the time comes that everyone in the room is suddenly aware of the corrosive odor the task of assigning the assailant begins.

In the chaos that ensues usually the offender of the noxious odor will yell, “Whoever smelt it, dealt it!” of “Whoever speaks it, stinks it”. What should be completely offensive to me have become fun and a source of laughter!  In recent months I have been moving through a process called Humility. It has been gut wrenching and made me see the last season of my life in a different light. I have always been prideful, and have seen life through the lens of how life affects me. What should have been offensive to me became a joke, what should have sent me to the Cross kept me hidden in shadows. I had allowed myself to become immune to things that should have grossed me out. This process of desensitization happens gradually especially in the culture of church leadership.

Humility vs. Pride is a battle that our culture has become gripped with and yet many of us are rooting for the wrong side. Humility is not natural, it is not easy and it must become central to ever Believers life. Pride is natural, it is how we are born, and the lens we most often view our lives through.

Humility says, “I need God”. If you have become a Christian then you had a moment of humility when you asked Jesus to be the Lord of your life. Can you be a Christian and be prideful? Absolutely! Pride is so great at hiding itself in the mask of humility that it is often hard to see; even in one’s self. In recent years I enjoyed the first half of the book by Andrew Murray called simply, Humility. In this book written in the late 1800’s Mr. Murray speaks of how easy it is to think of oneself as humble when actually our own emotions are threaded with pride.

Jesus is the perfect picture of humility, correct? Did Jesus ever think of himself as better than anyone in scripture? Did Jesus come to be served, or did Jesus ever feel entitled to anything? Did Jesus think of himself as a door mat? Did Jesus demand the respect of others? Did Jesus do anything independent of God the Father?  Did Jesus demand anything other than the proper view and worship of God the Father?

Pride is demanding, haughty, entitled, and independent. I have found myself demanding, haughty, entitled, and independent therefore I am prideful. Pride says, “God cannot do what he said he would do therefore you must make it happen.”

Humility is aiding and quiet, unassuming, grateful, and completely dependent. Jesus was completely dependent on the Father, he was aiding of the Father, and he took nothing for himself, and died an unassuming death. Death’s desire was to hold him but the power of the resurrection raised him from the dead and he sits at the right hand of the father. Jesus is gloriously humble. How do we wrap ourselves around this concept while being held hostage in the lens of pride. So here is where I am at practically:

1.       Know who God is, and know who I am IN God.

2.       Accept that I am due nothing but a life apart from God but I accept his gift of grace

3.       Everything I have is directly from God and be grateful for everything; including suffering

4.       This is His-Story, not mine, therefore I will do what he purposes

5.       My life is not about the epic mountain top experiences, but it is about the people God places in my everyday comings and goings

 

 

There are many other lessons I am learning but let me leave you with one final thought. God doesn’t force me to grow; he invites me to know him deeper. It is my choice to stay where I am or to move closer. I can direct my attentions towards him and away from him. God is always there, always desires our attention, but will never force us. He is gentle, and gracious. He is slow to anger and abounding in love. Pride tells me walking with God is wrought with difficulties, which are seldom worth the effort, and that everything is fine just like it is. Pride is a constant pull in self-sufficiency while humility is a constant invitation to dependency.

 

Just like I can be in a “dude” dominated home and play along with the guys I know that when something “stinkith” it is most often I. That “I” in pride will tell me it is always someone else’s fault. The next time I smell the lie of independence, blame, and entitlement I will say “Whoever speaks it, stinks it” and allow God to heal my heart once again, and bring me back to the place of humility.

Enjoying Your Season

When I am sitting in the hot sun with bottles of water litered around me I often wonder why I do this to myself. On an average baseball season with my boys I will sit through around 120 games and most of them are in the heatof Summer. I dream of the days of Fall that will bring the crisp through the air. During the fall at football games I am bundled up with sweatshirts, blankets, and a thermos full of hot coffee and wonder why do I do this to myself? I dream of the days of Spring that are warm and refreshing. In the Spring as I watch yet more games I sneeze my head off and dream of the long Winter where everything dies and nothing bothers my allergies.

Winter, the season where life goes bare. The leaves have fallen from the tree and you see the entire shape of the tree. All the crooks, bends, the wounds from the year, and even the dead branches that have to come off. I am that tree when Winter comes.

I spend three seasons in my life waiting for another season to find relief from my current situtation. What if instead of always looking ahead I stop and enjoy each season for what it brings. In the Spring there is new life, growth, birth, and beautiful colors. In the Summer there is warmth, BBQ's, vacations, and family days on the water. In the Fall there is falling leaves, the return to routine, apple cider, and beautiful colors. The Winter is when I find my rest from my seasons. Instead what if I enjoyed Winter like I did the other seasons? I fine the joy of this season as well instead of viewing it as a large exhale from a long year.

What is the joy of Winter? Most of you are snow-haters but I love the snow. In my opinion if it is going to be cold it might has well snow! Winter is when we celebrate our most festive holidays. Winter is when I have two weeks of my boys gathered around. Winter is when We play no sports! That is the one I am most excited about.

I realize that I am talking about physical seasons but in my life I have spiritual seasons as well. I have seasons of hard, of love, of service, of learning, of lettting go, of rest. The largest lesson I have learned this year is to enjoy each season as it comes. Some seasons are easy, and some are not. Some are peaceful and are some crazy! But God tells us to enjoy each season we experience in our lives because our very life itself will be gone like a vapor.

God used my physical seasons to teach me about my spiritual seasons. I have a glimmer of the season to come

Martha, Martha, Martha...

   As a passionate person I find seasons in my life that I completely "spend" myself for what I am passionate about. If you know me then you know from February to August I watch countless baseball practices and sit through over a 120 games. Is baseball my passion? No~ The two boys who play are my passion. When you are passionate for something you are willing to sacrifice what ever it takes to make your passions happen. Is spending six months of my year running around two kids a sacrifice? You bet! However, if my boys decide at any point to give up baseball and pursue otherthings is that okay? Sure, I will become passionate about what they are passionate about. Passion encourages passion.
   Passion, do you have it? Do you know what it is? It will drive you to sacrifice, give, and go above and beyond what you thought was possible. I tend to be passionate about what I love. Are you like that? Maybe you love a certain coffee, then you probably tell everyone you know about it, right? Maybe you love a band that is off the hook and it is all you talk about. The thing I love the most is Jesus, and He is whom I am most passionate about. When your passionate for someone you love what they love. If you have Bieber-Fever then you love all things Justin. Well I have Jesus-Fever and I love all things Jesus. One thing Jesus loves is his church. In scripture Jesus refers to the church as his Bride, so if I love what he loves then I love the church!
   I see a trend in the American church to "slow down", "don't kill yourself", "don't be a Martha", "Even God rested"... If your a passionate person you have heard these as well. Let's look real quick at the story of Martha and see what is really going on.

 "Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house.  And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’feet and heard His word. But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me.”And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things.But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42 NKJV

  Martha invites Jesus and probably at least a few disciples into her home and is running around trying to get everything ready. Where Martha goes wrong is not in her serving, it is in her getting her eyes off of Jesus in her serving. You see that she gets distracted with the work and then goes to Jesus to complain about her sister who does have her eyes on Jesus.
  Let me tell you what I find interesting, first Jesus tells Martha that she is worried and troubled. Jesus himself tells us not to worry about anything but in all things with thanksgiving offer up everything in prayer. When you pursue your passions make sure that you keep your eyes on Jesus. In fact bring him right into the middle of your passion! Second, work isn't wrong! Jesus worked while he was on Earth, he served while he was on Earth but his example was to pull back from time to time and spend time with his Father. He didn't take a Sunday off, he didn't go the movies, he didn't take a vacation and all the things well meaning people tell you to do; He spent time alone with his Dad.
  Mary wasn't commended for what she was doing but how she was doing it. Martha wasn't reproved for what she was doing; it was her attitude and HOW she was doing her work. This example in scripture cannot be taken out of context with the rest of the Word. Jesus himself said he came to serve not to be served. Humility is the key!
   Humilty is a lost art in the church. Humilty isn't thinking of yourself as garbage. Scripture says that Jesus was humble, does that mean he thought of himself as junk and not worthy of love? Author Andrew Murray describes humility as, "total dependence on God". Jesus is our example, not other people, not what they do or don't do. The church has to keep Jesus as the example and the standard. Be humble because Jesus was humble, serve because Jesus served, sacrifice because Jesus sacrificed, those are the examples of how to live a life of humilty.
   Whether your passionate about coffee, your kids, Jesus or all of the above you have to keep humility as the key. I have "spent" myself in this season for Jesus but I have done so by spending time alone with him and keeping him in the middle of everything I do. I can't focus on what others do or don't do because that becomes a stumbling block. I simply can love Jesus and do all he asks of me... So while you look at me and might think, "Martha, Martha, Martha"  all I really want you to see is Jesus, Jesus, Jesus...

The Roman Road

Have you ever had one of those moments that you know you are hearing the voice of God speak but your not really sure you like what your hearing?  I know, how could God speak and I not want to listen? There are times the prophets heard God speak and not want to listen, Jonah for one comes to mind. I am having one of those serious gut check moments.

God always gives you what you need but not always in a way that is easy. For most of my life the easy way has proved to be allusive. I love to communicate, and those of you who personally know me know that statement to be true.  I have always wanted to do a couple of things. First, I have always wanted to teach, as long as I can remember I have loved learning a new concept then turning around and teaching it to someone else. Second, I have always wanted to speak. I can hear the roar of laughter now coming from all of you who know that yes, I love to talk. That however is not what I am talking about; speaking to crowds is what I mean! I actually enjoying getting up in front of a crowd and speaking, weird I know.  Finally, I have always wanted to write, and that is where the gut check comes in. 

I can teach, and I can speak but writing doesn't come near as natural to me. I was always good in Engish class but then I remember that I graduated with a GED, and how absurd would it be that I would write. Yet, that is exactly what I hear God saying to me: communicate now through written words. What? Are you kidding, I write a Blog God, and isn't that enough?

So, with the tune of "I'm Diving In" by Steven Curtis Chapman playing in my head; here goes!  I am spending the Fall of this year with the Lord. I am going to try and write a devotional that will take you exegetically (from start to finish) through the book of Romans with humor (I hope) and biblical insight ( I pray). So pray for me while I am on the Roman Road with Jesus. Remind me of this moment of obedience when I faulter, and lift me up when I have no words. I will be blogging about the process and may even invite a few of you in from time to time for help. So, here I come Roman Road!!!

Where Am I? How Did I Get Here?

"What are you doing here Elijah?' This is how God opens a conversation with Prophet Elijah after he has just run for his life. One minute he is on top of Mt. Carmel calling out the prophet of Baal and the people for idol worship. He asks God to consume a great sacrifice, which God does in a miraculous way, and then with a boldness that is nothing less than shocking he starts praying for rain after a three year drought. WOW! Talk about a mountain top experience! Elijah asked God to do these awesome wonders and God found it pleasing to answer him by a consuming fire and bringing the rains. Then he runs faster than a chariot back down the mountain after it rains. Now, come on; that is some really cool stuff!

Then on his race down the mountain he comes upon Jezebel, the King's wife, who threatens to kill him. In a moment he changes courses and runs straight into a valley and asks to die. So after this huge display of God's power he gets freaked out and panics. After an angel revives him he is left alone and then God asks him this question, "What are you doing here Elijah."

Skipp, my husband, preached a sermon a couple of weeks ago and used this story at the end of his sermon. As I sat there I heard God ask me the same question, "What are you doing here Becky?" As if I could see clearly for the first time I realized that I was not at all where I was supposed to be, and how did I get here?
That question was not one of anger, or even surprise, but because He had a better place for me to be.

Now let me say this has nothing to do with a physical place, it wasn't like God was asking me why are you at Life Fellowship Church. I knew he meant, "why are you spiritually in this place of complacency?" How did I get there yet once again? I think it was too much busyness and not enough investment of my relationship with God. I was letting my life live me...

Intimacy happens over time, diving deeper and deeper into your relationship. When one person quits coming around, quits talking, and lets everything else take priority; how do you feel? It was like I was texting God for the things I needed but never went to him for what I really needed... more Jesus!

I need him every day! Every single moment of every single day I need our relationship. I need the Word of God, I need the Spirit of God, and he wants me. "What are you doing here?" Is not a question of condemnation but of invitation. It has been since February since I blogged, and I allowed life to get in the way of living. No more! I am taking God up on his invitation to intimacy and going to spend more time with him. So if you are wondering where you are and how you got there, then take God up on his invitation too!

Friend or Friendlies?

This week I have been reading the book, "Real Marriage," by Mark and Grace Driscoll and found God speaking to me about something quiet surprising. Friendship! Of course you and your spouse should be friends and Skipp and I are best friends at that. However, that was not the friendships God was talking to me about.

I am going to get a little honest with you here; I have very few friends. Most of you who read this will probably think that statement to be ludicrous. I can hear you all now, "You have me! I am your friend! You have all kinds of friends Becky." After you read this blog you will come to the same realization that I have and that you too have very few friends.

Friendship is something that is taken for granted in our culture. For example I have 503 "friends" on Facebook. Really, 503? I probably know all of those people but are they really friends? The bible says in John 15:13, "Greater love has no one than this, that someone may lay down his life for his friends." Of those 503 people on Facebook how many would I lay my life down for, or they for me? Very few I imagine.

True friendship is hard, time consuming, and costly. I have people in my life that I have been friendly with for 15+ years but I am coming to realize we really aren't friends. So how am I defining what a friend is? Let me show you...

"Friendship is costly in everything- time, energy, emotion and sometimes money." Mark Driscoll

"Friendship is to make conversation, to share a joke, to perform mutual acts of kindness, to read together well -written books, to share in trifling and in serious matters, to disagree though without animosity-just as a person debates with himself-and in the very rarity of disagreement to find the salt of normal harmony, to teach each other something or to learn from one another, to long with impatience for those absent, to welcome them with gladness upon their arrival" Augustine from Confessions

I have Skipp, my best friend! The one I share everything with, who I am naked both physically and emotionally in front of. I bare my life with him and sees everything and loves me anyways. If your spouse isn't your best friend then you have work to do. No one should know you better, or love you more.

I have three other women in my life that are truly, by the above statements, my friends. These women are all of differing ages, personalities and vocations. Being all different they do share some common similarities. They all share themselves, the good, the bad, the ugly- honest, raw, and totally unguarded. They all bring every conversation back to Jesus- always back to His words, His promises, and His truths. They make effort to love and be loved- they are unselfish in our friendship. Finally, even when we disagree we never have hurt feelings because there is a safety that what ever happens we have each other's best in mind.

I have many, many, many friendlies! These are the people that I live my life around whom I enjoy and they enjoy me. I have many rich and great friendlies! I am actually very blessed in my life, but I don't have the ability to love all of them the way I do the above four people. Jesus had many followers, 12 disciples, and 3 friends, and he was God!

What do you do if you don't have anyone in your life like I do? Ask yourself this question-
Am I a good friend to others? Sometimes we don't have friendships because we aren't a good friend, we are selfish, and unloving. We are in it for what it gives me not what it will cost me- this is true in marriage and in life~

I am blessed with very few friends, and many friendlies. I grieved this lesson because I would love to everyone be a friend, but I will be content with being friendly to everyone. Be blessed and have a great weekend!